Monday, October 13, 2008

Whose life is it anyway?

My journey of late has been clouded with emotion, distracted by concerns, and challenged by the typical twists and turns that accompany letting go of a child who is legally an adult but still lives at home, attending college locally.

With the help of a spiritual guide/mentor, I have unpeeled the layers of circumstances and feelings to discover the core issue creating most of my inner turmoil:

I have been caught between trying to live my life according to the scripts that others write for me and the one I try to write for myself.

Trapped might be a better description of how I have felt lately.

But I have come to a refreshing conclusion: That if I have not succeeded in satisfying people’s expectations by now, I never will. There is nothing else I can do that I have not already attempted to do. There is no end to what others might think I should do or not do.

Pleasing people is just not supposed to define my journey.

I have tried to resist these pressures by designing my own path. It has succeeded in confusing some and alienating others. Lately, I have been frustrated that this self-constructed path has not achieved its desired destination.

So, as I pause to contemplate…what next? I have come to this: It is time to discern what God’s script is for me. Apart from the defining attributes of my community. Apart from the self-constructed strategies I plan. Just apart.

A time of cultivating personal discipleship as a way of life. A time of reducing spiritual activity with the purpose of being still…so I may hear from God and God alone. A spiritual resting. A personal spiritual sabbatical.

The Jewish word Shalom comes to mind: peace. Christ said, My peace I give to you. My peace I leave with you, not the peace of the world, but my personal peace. (John 14:27 – my paraphrase).

In the same setting, the Last Supper, Christ closed his last message to the disciples with these remarks:

“In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer- I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).


So, my journey has taken a detour. Seeking oasis where I may nourish my soul. Still waters. Lush pastures of God's own choosing, as He shepherds this sabbath to restore my soul.


If I get to write, I'll keep you posted. ;)

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