With the help of a spiritual guide/mentor, I have unpeeled the layers of circumstances and feelings to discover the core issue creating most of my inner turmoil:
I have been caught between trying to live my life according to the scripts that others write for me and the one I try to write for myself.
Trapped might be a better description of how I have felt lately.
But I have come to a refreshing conclusion: That if I have not succeeded in satisfying people’s expectations by now, I never will. There is nothing else I can do that I have not already attempted to do. There is no end to what others might think I should do or not do.
Pleasing people is just not supposed to define my journey.
I have tried to resist these pressures by designing my own path. It has succeeded in confusing some and alienating others. Lately, I have been frustrated that this self-constructed path has not achieved its desired destination.
So, as I pause to contemplate…what next? I have come to this: It is time to discern what God’s script is for me. Apart from the defining attributes of my community. Apart from the self-constructed strategies I plan. Just apart.
A time of cultivating personal discipleship as a way of life. A time of reducing spiritual activity with the purpose of being still…so I may hear from God and God alone. A spiritual resting. A personal spiritual sabbatical.
The Jewish word Shalom comes to mind: peace. Christ said, My peace I give to you. My peace I leave with you, not the peace of the world, but my personal peace. (John 14:27 – my paraphrase).
In the same setting, the Last Supper, Christ closed his last message to the disciples with these remarks:
“In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer- I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
So, my journey has taken a detour. Seeking oasis where I may nourish my soul. Still waters. Lush pastures of God's own choosing, as He shepherds this sabbath to restore my soul.
If I get to write, I'll keep you posted. ;)
